The White Doe
by maraudersgurl12
Summary: After raising Harry alone for nearly ten years as a widower, James has to come to terms with him leaving for school. Written for the Jily Challenge 2018. AU. Jily with a hint of Wolfstar. One-shot.


It was a crisp fall morning on the first of September. A man in his thirties stood at edge of the train platform, watching his two best friends help his eleven-year-old son with his trunk. They lugged it up the stairs of a scarlet train, steam billowing from the engine. He felt a twinge of nerves as he watched them go. After this morning, his young son would be off to school, on his own for the first time in his life.

The time was nearly eleven. Children were lingering on the platform with their parents. Mothers were hugging their young children goodbye with promises of seeing them over Christmas. James Potter watched as a plump woman embraced her son, whose hair was as flaming red as her own. A wave of grief flooded over him as he witnessed them pull apart and the young boy went up the stairs and out of sight.

"Dad? Everything's all set."

James averted his attention back to his son, Harry, who had reemerged from the train, an uneasy expression plastered across his face. Though it concerned James, he did his best to be nonchalant.

"Time to go already?"

"I guess so. It's just—" He paused suddenly.

"What is it?"

Harry looked around at the other women on the platform, all of whom were waving their sons or daughter goodbye. He turned back to his father a mixture of emotions running on his face. He bit his lip, unsure if he should utter the words that hoped to escape his mouth.

"I just wish that Mum could have been here."

His statement had taken James by surprise. It was not a subject that they normally talked about, James being unsure of how it would make Harry feel. James never liked talking about it anyway, and Harry never felt comfortable asking or bringing it up. There was a silent agreement between them that neither of them should ever utter the words Lily Potter.

Remus and Sirius had since come down from the train to join them. James had no idea if they had overheard the conversation, but neither of them had commented in any case. For this, he was grateful. This was difficult for him enough as it was without his well-meaning friends trying to say something in order help only to make matters worse.

"I don't even remember what she was like."

These words hit James hard. For him, it was hard because everything reminded him of Lily. Her laugh, the look on her face when he was up to something of which she would not approve, her eyes when she would finally give into his charming ways—everything. The house still faintly smelled of her, he was convinced. Sirius and Remus might have argued otherwise, but he didn't care. Neither of them had ever gotten as up close and personal with her as he had, anyway. They would never know. And he would never again. The later hit him hard, nearly knocking the wind out of him. Already ten years later, and when a wave of the pain came, it rushed it like a tsunami, crushing him and sweeping him away like it had only been yesterday.

For Harry, it was completely different. He had only been a baby when she left them forever. He had no real memory of her. What he had of her was fragmented pieces that he had collected from detailed stories by Sirius and Remus with the occasional recollection from his father, which happened very rarely. He had no clear picture of her, and of this, James was completely guilty.

"Your mum was the kindest women I've ever known. She'd be so proud to see you all grown up...now get on the Hogwarts Express before I start crying for Godric's sake! I have an image to upkeep."

Sirius had to suppress a snort. Remus jabbed him in the ribs as James shot him a dirty look. Harry, on the other hand, paid no attention to his godfather. Instead, he beamed up at James, who felt instant relief wash over him. What he had said had been good. At least he had done something right. Parenting was hard. Lily had been so much better at it—a complete natural. James, however, was just fumbling around in the dark without her.

"Thanks, Dad!" Harry called as he hurried to get on the train. The whistle was blowing. It was a minute to eleven. He rushed up the stairs and onto the train. James thought that was the last that he would see his son until Christmas, but he had reappeared several seconds later as the train began to pull away.

"I'll make her proud and be sorted into Gryffindor and get all high marks!" he shouted from the window.

"And don't forget about being a Quidditch star," James called back.

"Dad!" Harry whined. "You know that I won't be allowed until next year."

"You never know," Sirius chimed in. "You could be a prodigy!"

Harry smiled and waved at them as the train picked up more speed. They all waved back, and after another moment, Harry's head disappeared from sight once more. James watched as the train sped off into the distance, his thoughts drifting to his late wife as he watched his son disappear out of sight. How would she feel watching him go off to school? Would she be crying right now? Would she be smiling? Would she be so proud? It was probably all of those things, but James would never know. He would forever be without her.

This would be Harry's first year at Hogwarts. It would also be the first year that James would be alone, without anyone with which to share home. It would be the first time in his life. He had always had someone before then. At first, it had been his parents. When he was sixteen, there was the addition of Sirius. Then when he finished school, it had been Lily. Then Harry came along a few years later to complete their family. Then finally, it was just him and Harry. Now, he was a widower with an empty nest.

The loss of his wife had always been difficult, but it was that moment that it had hit him the hardest. It would be the first time that the house would be completely silent. There will be no baby to feed. There would be no toddler to catch. There will be no young child with which to play games. There would be no one to ask questions. It would just be James. He had always had Harry to keep him busy and keep him from thinking about the long-lost love of his life.

His thoughts drifted back to that night. He had gone over so many times in his head to think about what he could have done differently. If only he had woken up...If only he had been taken instead. She would have been there right now. Harry would have his mother.

He had been asleep when it happened. So tired that Lily had thought it be best for him to take a couple drops of sleeping drought in order to rest for the first time in days. This had been their fatal error. James, being under the influence of the drought, never woke up when he came. He didn't hear the screams of his wife as she fought downstairs to save their son. In the end, she had thrown herself in front of Harry and took the killing curse herself from Lord Voldemort. It hadn't been until Voldemort tried to kill Harry one more time that James had woken up. The house shook, having their entire kitchen blown up from the impact of the spell rebounding on Voldemort. Lily's sacrifice had saved their son, but then James was left to raise him alone. Immense responsibility had been thrust upon him, without giving him the time to grieve.

"You okay, mate?" Sirius asked, clapping his hand on one of James' shoulders.

"Yeah, I guess," James replied.

"He'll be fine," Remus said, piping in. "He's a good kid. He'll make friends easily, and all of his professors will love him."

"I wouldn't say all," Sirius remarked darkly. "I hear old Snivellus is teaching there now."

"Okay, maybe not _all_ of them."

"Slimy git," Sirius added.

Remus ignored him. "Anyway," he said. "Were you coming to ours for dinner tonight then?"

"Who's cooking?"

"Me, of course," Remus replied. "You think I would let Sirius get anywhere near our kitchen."

"Yeah, okay."

Sirius looked mildly offended. "I'm not that bad, you know."

"You always take _forever_ , though."

"You can't rush perfection, love."

James grinned as he watched his two best friends gently squabble. They had been at his side for more than a couple of decades, risking life and limb for him. It used to be four of them. Now they were down to three. Peter had been partially responsible for Lily's death, having given Voldemort the information to finally take her down. He was now serving a life sentence in Azkaban. He had lost his good friend and wife all in the same night.

"So we'll see you at six then?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Bye Prongs," Sirius said before James disappeared with a pop.

He reappeared into their empty kitchen. The silence was deafening. James struggled to shake off his grief as he travelled up the stairs and into his room. All the emotional that he had been fighting against all morning came crashing down on him in the form of angry tears as he sat on the edge of his mattress, staring at the large photo that usually lived on his bedside mantle. They fell onto the glass, rolling down before finally falling off the edge.

Once that terrible wave had subsided, he placed the picture back onto the end table, wiping the tears from his face. He stood up and walked over to the window to observe the forest that resided behind the house. The woods were quiet, without a care in sight. If James hadn't been paying attention, he would have missed her.

Standing alone, along the edge of the woods, was a single white doe. His breath caught in his throat. She took a few more steps towards the forest before she turned her head back and stared directly at James through the window. The large black eyes bore into his soul as she gazed at him. He was in awe. He had never seen her before, even through his travels as Prongs that he would occasionally make to blow some steam off in the middle of the night.

She faced forward once more, her majestic body moving to the edge of the thicket and finally disappearing from sight. A warm relief washed over James. He was going to be all right. That's what she was trying to tell him. Everything was going to be okay. He knew this as he wistfully watched the woods in wonder. It had to be. Lily was there watching over him, after all.


End file.
